Waiting For Prince Charming

Baby Boomers fed right into Mr. Disney's fairy tales and all the little girls grew up believing Prince Charming would ride into their lives. We were told by our parents, teachers and media that girls would work for a few years after school until they married. Women would stay home and take care of the children and the home; we had no aspirations past what was predetermined for us. As teenagers we began the quest for finding Mr. Right; first step filling that Hope Chest.

A Hope Chest was made of cedar and young girls would slowly buy items for their married life. I will admit it that the only Hope Chest I owned was a miniature one.  A girl's family would purchase the chest once she became engaged; the engagement would last at least two years. Unfortunately for the Hope Chest; the Summer of 1967 occurred and "free love" became the norm. Couples would shack-up before marriage and the median age of marrying was no longer 20 years of age.

Finding Mr. Right was a goal of mine because I believed that my life would become perfect. Fifty years ago I did not realize I was seeking perfection to make me happy. At that point in time, I was lacking self-esteem and in my twisted teenage mind believed a perfect Mr. Right would make me happy.  In hindsight my criteria for Mr. Right was way out of my league; who did I think would be attracted to me?  As a teenager, looks were of utmost importance; nice eyes and smile and slim figure. Ultimately his looks, his swagger and personality were my downfall due to my lack of self-esteem.

Having no confidence in my own looks, personality and intelligence, I became needy in all my relationships. No one wants their girlfriend to be needy and possessive but I could not stop my behavior. I worried all the time about his whereabouts or if another woman was attempting to steal him away from me. If another woman stole him away, my feeling was that I was not perfect and would always be a man's number #2; never the love of his life. Unfortunately most men or boys in my life never realize that the younger me was being chameleonic, becoming the ideal  girlfriend. If the man loved baseball, I became a big Red Sox fan and knew all the stats of the present players or if a musician, his style of music would become mine.

Being a fraud was stressful and unfair to any relationship but honestly did not believe any man would like the real me. Once my high school boyfriend, David, broke up with me because I was too square and would not smoke weed or have sex, the decision was made to become perfect for the next boyfriend. 

In my old age, one of my biggest regard in life is  I never let the boyfriend believe he won a prize and not a booby prize.